8 ‘Must Have’ Conversations Before Getting Married- Wedamor
From the perspective of Indian culture, marriages are the one and the last. We hold on to it till our very last breath. Where arranged marriages are so prominent, you always need clarity about those ‘must have’ conversations before getting married. These conversations are of all kinds- awkward, frank, weird, clueless even. Nobody can really tell you what to talk about before you decide to spend the rest of your life together with that person. The needs, values and deal breakers differ for each one of us.
However, some topics hold utmost importance to acknowledge in the conversations before getting married:
“Why Are You Getting Married?”
Ask the question. Its important know the person’s perception of marriage. They will most likely tell you what they expect out if it. On the other hand, you may also discover if they are only seeing you because their parents’ want them to. A marriage should only occur without any family pressures. Because you wouldn’t want it to be half-hearted.
Does The Past Matter?
I believe it is important to know that the other person is in it with no baggage. It varies from person to person, some people don’t care about one’s past as long as they don’t. Others are quite frank to talk about it as a gesture of placing trust before starting the new relationship. The latter ensures that there are no rooms for insecurities. Old thinking tell us to bury and forget the past. New thinking tell us to be confrontative and honest to build a trust-based relationship. Its always better to hear it from you than anyone else.
Work Life Balance
This is one of the most functional topics to discuss before getting married. Both should talk about their respective career plans and it’s execution after marriage. It helps smooth the division of labor in terms of roles and responsibilities. Equal distribution of responsibilities can work wonders for a marriage. People who are extremely busy with their professions, marriage for them is all about maintaining a work life balance.
Common Grounds and Dreams
Talk about your favorite hobbies. passions. common activities that you both enjoy. Get hold your future spouse’s future visions, their aims and ambitions in life. You never know, maybe that’s where you both ‘click’. Share things that you always wanted to do after getting married. It will give you both a happy space to look forward to. Mountain/beach, city/countryside, good/bad habits, these conversations will tell you a lot about a person.
Family and Values
Ask each other about their family values, what’s important for them in life. A personal view on family will throw light on their respective families from an insider perspective. Its important to share similar family values as it has a big role to play in a marriage in the long run.
‘Baby Talk’
Yeah it’s not what is sounds like. Talk about having kids in the future. Whether or not/When to have kids. make sure you both are on the same page on this one. It should be a mutual decision otherwise people end up resenting and blaming each other if one is not ready for it yet. There are a whole lot of things to think about before planning a child. Its a big step and involves other major aspects like health and financial stability, to focus on.
Fighting Skills
Ask if they know karate? Just Kidding! Talk about how they handle fights and rough patches. Some shut down, some act out violently, some may be short tempered. Arrive at a common point as to how you both will sort situations out. It will help eliminate the possibility of communication gaps, which in fact, is the root problem of almost all the fights.
Deal Breakers
One (or many) thing(s) you refuse to comply to. Like infidelity, dowry, violation of personal space, physical abuse. It is subjective. Accept each other’s deal breakers before getting married. Its important to put it out there so when it actually happens, you don’t simply give in because you talked about it. One should be able to talk about what is unacceptable in a marriage under all circumstances. Otherwise you end up disappointing each other and oneself. The feelings of being ‘stuck’ arises before you know it. Clarifying deal breakers will ensure both to realize their boundaries upfront.
You can’t possibly talk about all of it in one meet. That’s one of the things that comes with the process. You need to give it time and space. That’s how people open up and ‘really talk’, not as a formality but as the truth. We hope you find this article helpful. At least you won’t be clueless about it.